Desperate Parents Stories

Brandon was stationed in Italy with his wife Pam and their three young boys when they got the diagnosis. Their middle son, two-and-half-year-old Emmitt, had Autism spectrum disorder. They were stunned and unsure what to do. At that time the only reference they had for autism was the movie “Rainman,” and that didn’t represent their son at all.

Initially they didn’t want this news to affect Brandon’s job and the life they were building in Italy, but after a few days of research they discovered that immediate and long-term therapy would offer him the best life possible. It made more sense to head back to the States right away. Within two weeks they were packing.

Years passed. God blessed them with another child–a daughter. Brandon and Pam never stopped striving for the best for all of their children. As they grew, their other kids supported their brother with Autism, developing understanding and empathy for anyone with special needs.

Anyone that took the time to get to know Emmitt grew to love him. His kind heart, love of animals, and compassion for anyone sick or suffering was evident. His math skills put him at the top of his class. He was generally compliant and happy. In some respects he was their easiest kid.

But fear was an enemy that hovered close. Emmitt was a runner and managed to escape multiple times. His parents were constantly on guard, but he seemed to get away at unexpected moments. On more than one occasion they had to ask others for help finding him. They missed many of their other children’s sporting events for fear of him running off. Another worry came from wondering what would happen to him when they got too old to take care of him. Would he be able to make an independent life for himself?

There were also moments of frustration: when he smeared poop all over his room when he was supposed to be taking a nap. They felt judged: when he had a meltdown in the middle of a store. They were isolated: when they weren’t invited to parties (even family gatherings) because he was unpredictable, or his diet was an inconvenience. They were embarrassed: when he took off his clothes in public because he spilled a few drops of water on them.

Brandon and Pam were disappointed when their church’s children’s ministry director started making excuses for not allowing Emmitt to attend church. So that the rest of the family could go to church, often Brandon would attend an early service while Pam stayed home with Emmitt, then they would switch off so Pam could go to the second service. That lasted a couple of years, until a job opportunity moved them to Kansas.

They found a new church that seemed to be a great fit, but it ended up being their biggest heartbreak. They had a wonderful special needs program for Emmitt, but the children's ministry did not have the flexibility to allow him to participate with peers, serve others, or attend activities outside of the special needs group. For instance, Emmitt loved to do motions with songs and wanted to help with the kids’ worship team, like some other kids his age. Brandon and Pam appealed to the children’s pastor without success. When Emmitt wanted to go to summer church camp, they brought their request to the children’s pastor again. They even offered to find a one-on-one aid to accompany him. But he was denied because, “That extra person might take up a spot that another child needed so they could learn about Jesus.” They couldn’t help but ask, what about Emmitt’s need to learn about Jesus?

That particular pastor made it very difficult for Brandon and Pam to advocate for their son. When alone with him their requests were consistently refused. Around other leaders in the church he made himself out as graciously accommodating. Brandon and Pam felt labeled as troublemakers. Their family had become deeply involved with their church over five years, but the situation had become toxic. They made the tough decision to leave.

For Brandon and Pam, it was not a single moment that brought them to the point of desperation. There have been many times when they’ve cried out to Jesus for help. Every time fear stole their peace, or injustice mocked their pain, they had a chance to practice reliance on God. Jesus’ encouragement to ​“Have faith,”​ and ​“Do not be afraid, just believe.”​ were reminders they lived by. They trusted God to provide exactly what they needed. And you know what? He did!

God provided a church where everyone in the family was welcomed. The SOAR Special Needs Ministry at their new church cared about Emmitt’s specific abilities, his dignity, and his relationship with God. They supported his parents with a respite night, resources, and friendship. They provided understanding and programs for siblings of kids with special needs. In retrospect Brandon and Pam can see God’s guidance. Without the challenge at their previous church they would have stayed right where they were, and missed out on their next adventure.

As they continued to navigate the ups and downs of their particular life, they heard the call to minister to other struggling families. With their children now in their teens and twenties Brandon and Pam have wisdom to share, prayers to offer, and encouragement to extend. Whether it’s through moms playing Bunco, or dads over breakfast, or a social media support group, they minister to hundreds of parents on a regular basis. And in a true answer to prayer, they are seeing those parents grow in faith and begin reaching out to others in an ever-expanding radius of grace.